Starting out ~

I used to think that writing a novel would be the hardest part.

The question most frequently asked of me at my signings is: ‘how long did it take you to write this book?’ To be clear we are talking about ‘Safe.’ And my quick answer would be 9 months with a three month break in the middle... But that is only part of the answer.

This story has been one I played with since I was 15. It was a picture – a still photograph stuck in my head. But I never attempted to write it out until Oct. 2006. Because it was then that I decided (after years of thinking about it) that I wanted to write. Not just this story, but the many, many, many stories that circulate through my thoughts.

In the fall of '06 in a brave move to believe in myself and I took a weekend away... I paid cash to rent out a room at the Deerfoot Inn in Calgary and locked myself in. Looking back I wondered if my behaviour caused someone to worry that I might be a suicide risk?

Once I was there I quickly set up my computer then hesitated. I knew I wanted to write and I knew I had to be extreme to get started, but now that I had done it I wasn’t sure what I was going to write about. I had already attempted, on two separate occasions, writing the book ‘Stuck – Facing Forward’ and in honesty I felt like to try that one again would spell eminent failure. So I took a moment of quiet reflection, meditating on my next move.

That is when I came to ‘Safe.’

Besides, my daughter had told me I should write about the ghost that helps the teen girl, just one of many story ideas I’d started telling her about after she was 15.

And so I started...

For me writing is almost as much as an adventure as reading or watching a show. I have an idea of where my story is going but I never know what it’s going to look like until I am taking that path. Of course I am ultimately in control and choose if I keep an idea or drop it...but most ideas don’t come to me until I’m in need of them.

In the one weekend I’d written 80 pages. Then I came home to life; (work, my children, my husband the pets...) And the story was quickly put off to the side. I tried to return to it a few times a week, so it grew slowly. At the end of 3 months I had just over 100 pages. The same place I’d made it to in my other tries with the other story. I put it away and worried that it would end up just like my first two attempts.

This is where the break came in; my abandoned story became a pile of papers that got shuffled from one surface to the next. After a few months I either had to clean away my latest ‘failed’ attempt, or I’d have to recommit to it. But before I gave up completely I read through the first 100 pages and I was shocked! I loved the story I’d created and all my ideas and the directions the story was headed were remembered with great clarity – I couldn’t let this become just another failed attempt.

I started to encourage myself, I even made a ‘mantra’ that I told myself time and again and I just kept on saying it and writing even when I felt like what I was writing was utter crap... Funny thing – even when I felt like what I was writing was babble I’d continue to write. Then a few days later I’d edit and I’d be surprised that most of my ideas were not so bad and with a little tweaking they ROCKED!

Then something amazing happened. As the pages got closer to 200 I lost my insecurities (for a while). The book had meat, something people could sink their teeth into and there was enough of it there to start to share it: I started handing out bits of it to my friends and my daughter. They liked it as much as I did - NO, they LOVED it, and some started asking for more pages. That was a good feeling.

The second wonderful moment came when I had a break through. I was on the treadmill (exercising), and running through the scene I planned to write when I realized that Stacy was more important than someone random – someone Mariah never knew... What if Stacy was connected to Mariah’s past? What if in going to see Stacy Mariah would have to work through things from her past?... Presto – connection... Presto, better story!!

This happened more than once – every time it was like my own personal bonus – my WOW moment. It made the last hundred pages go by easier.

I was on a roll. The question I used to ask myself to this point was, “Do I have enough creativity in me to write a novel?” now I was asking, “How many words is too many for one novel?”

Until next entry,

Aviva B.

Part B:

Once the writing is done ~

Confidence, confidence, confidence.

There comes a moment in every book – the moment of completion. For me the first time I realized I was finished it was exhilarating. It felt like I had been racing towards this conclusion the moment I’d picked up a pen and put it to paper. I shouted for joy, I danced around the house and my whole family celebrated because to them it meant they’d get their mother back.

Little did I understand at that time that just because the book is done, it doesn’t mean it’s finished... Yes, the story was finished, but the editing wasn’t. I had to run over it at least three more times to make sure there was no lose strands, no misplaced plots, no unanswered questions. Did my characters get lost? Was all the places in my book clearly described, but not overly so, had I forgotten someone’s name only to be called a different one half way through? What color was the car that Tony drove? Had I mentioned all the important facts? The list can go on.

If I thought I knew my story just by writing it, I now had a deeper understanding for every sentence, every paragraph, and every word on the page. And then something horrible happened – I started to hate my story! I started to lose my belief that it was worth anything. I picked it apart until all that was left of it was syllables and letters. Not so pretty that way.

Have you ever looked in the mirror at your face long enough for it to become just about your nose? Your eyebrows? Your ears? Only your right ear? Suddenly the beauty of your face becomes lost in that one feature. Because your nose alone does nothing to enhance who you are. But it centered on your face makes you beautiful.

Well my story, up close and picked apart had become UGLY. I had to get out of it – to gain a different perspective. I started to pester my friends, relatives, and anyone I could convince to read the manuscript (a poor lady who happened to be at the park one day). Then I pestered them to hear their opinion and worse I had a hard time believing them when they said it was good!

I reasoned that they were all just being kind to me because they like me, they didn’t want to hurt my feelings... So then I had some of the teenage girls, on the bus I drove, read it – and when they also liked it I decided that they only said that because I was their bus driver and they didn’t want to upset me... The stupidity goes one and so the ugliness ensued.

Can you see that I have a self confidence problem?

Only after 5, 10, 15 people reading and not one disliking it – in fact everyone LOVED it. I had to relent and pluck up my courage to continue on.

Of course now that I had edited my story to death (almost literally) it was time to pay a professional to do it. You see where just coming to the finish in “writing” wasn’t anywhere near close to the end of writing a book...

Yet I’ve lost track of myself. Because even though I was only half way up the mountain I was missing celebrating getting that far. I have met so many people in my travels who say they want to write a book, some even make a courageous go at it, but often it’s no more than an idea in their minds. And it never becomes more than that. I have written a book cover to cover. I needed to enjoy the view... That’s not really me; my only sights were set on the next incline. I forged ahead. I’m not saying the journey wasn’t wonderful...

Here I sit, nearing midnight in mid September 2009 and I have finished my third book. This time there is no loud triumphant declarations, no dancing in the kitchen. I am happy, I did mention this accomplishment to my husband. But this time it is a more quiet affair. It is ok this way, and yet here I am writing out my thoughts – so clearly I understand I’ve accomplished something monumental! And I wanted to share it in some way... Hurray, “Chip” is a book awaiting editing and all the other steps to bring it into stores – but it is also done!

I wrote another book (that makes 3)

Aviva B.

Part C

I couldn’t do this by myself ~

Getting published is somewhat like being hit by lightning...

Up to this point it’s been all about me. I was the one who slaved over the computer till 3AM. I was the one who read and re-read my manuscript until my eyes crossed. It was MY labour of love...

Now that doesn’t negate that in spending so much time in my book my husband and kids had to pick up the slack that my business created. And I would be a fool if I didn’t mention and thank them. The vacuuming, the dishes and dinners (laundry, bathrooms, etc.) all have to be done by someone...and that someone, rather abruptly, stopped being me. So to my husband and four kids I am entirely grateful and in their support all my books are just as much theirs as they are mine (for without their help they wouldn’t have been created).

Once a book is completed it can go two ways: published or unpublished. I did not want to see my book end up in that second group – it would be a HUGE failure for me. However, getting published is somewhat like being hit by lightening! RARE

My first hope had been “to just be that lucky!” I wasn’t. Mostly I think that just wasn’t my destiny, though I also think my query letters and synopsis might have had something to do with that. There was a good reason for this: I had been given some poor advice about how much I should reveal in my synopsis.

It was the advice of someone close to me to not to reveal much for fear that someone could take my idea and create their own story under their name. If I gave away everything it would make it easier to steal. So my first synopses looked much more like teasers. Then I wondered why I wasn’t getting positive responses.

A synopsis is supposed to be something close to a play by play without too much embellishment. An in-depth list of the plot and character development. The reason we writers give a synopsis is because big publishing companies (any really) get hundreds of book submissions, if not more, each day. They don’t have time to read everyone’s synopsis let alone books. So the synopsis is like the story in cliff notes, first this, then this, then that happens.

If a publisher likes a synopsis they will ask for a test sample of your story – they aren’t reading it to read your book; they are reading it to get a feel for your writing style. You see they have to fall in love with your story idea before they ask to see your writing style. So the MORE you give in your synopsis the better chances of the publishers falling in love with your book, then with the test chapter they fall in love with your writing style.

I have since learnt this lesson.

However, for this reason I ended up getting a ton of rejections. I stopped counting my rejections after 70ish. Now to be fair no one was rude or mean. I just got a lot of: “your work isn’t something our company is interested in at this time.” I was encouraged by some to keep trying; other’s left it at that. All in all a lot of form letters.

Somewhere in the process a name was given to me: Last Impression Publishing Service. I didn’t completely understand what he was offering, so when Jeremy agreed to speak with me I was on the edge of my seat. Then in our first conversation he talked about the benefits and downfalls of getting your book published through a large company as compared to self publishing...

In a nut shell: if you are published by X company you are giving up your rights to your story. I’ve seen my friend go through this. If the company wants a part of the story cut out, rewritten or something new added, he has to do it. Self publishing you get complete say – however you have to come up with the money, make the hard calls and ultimately if anything goes wrong you have no one but you to hold responsible...

Either side doesn’t look so appealing.

But I wanted my book published and since I didn’t seem to be having luck with the companies I decided to brave the self published route.

First step – find the money.

After money was in place I then started a whirlwind nine months that went from one decision to another and like I said; it was me that made the final call... I had to find my editor then I had to decide if I was going take his advice. For the most part I did, but I stood my ground on a few points, the biggest being he wanted me to tone down the mother. He thought no mother could be so ‘evil,’ however I’ve met some fairly cruel mothers, curler than the one I created in Mariah’s world. So I chose to keep her and because it was my project, my money, my success on the line, it was my say.

Next step, cover design: For years I had the image of Mariah sitting on her sofa in her living room watching TV with snacks strewn all about, then standing just behind her (there but not there) would be Toby. I really liked it. I even had my sister draw up a sketch and I liked it, with just a bit of tuning...

This is one area that I took the recommendation of those giving it. I was advised that the scene I had in my head didn’t have enough action, it didn’t have enough of a hook. So I begrudgingly dropped it and sat on my misery until my brain could cook up something I could like (if not better) just as much... That’s when I got my second idea, and after consulting some opinions from people that had experience, I ran with it.

I am no artist, so I had to find one. I put out an add at our local art collage: ACAD. I got some very nice responses and after only a few interviews I found Heather. I just need a few words to sing her praises! She was WONDERFUL!! She was able to take what I told her in words and create the image that everyone sees on my book today. And, well, I’m impressed with what we created.

So, got the editing done, check. Got the cover art done, check. Jeremy put the project into format for the book. I decided on the cover size. And Barbara re-edited the full package. Now it was time to get it into book form...................

You’d think this journey was done here, LOL, it was still a long way from finished.

Until next entry

Aviva B.

Part D